LOSS

What is more painful than a break-up, more exhausting than a marathon, more soul crushing than a calamity, a LOSS. Losing is just unacceptable. No matter how hard you tried, how well you played, how close the margin of victory was, the team which lost is never remembered. Its the champions who rule every heart. And unfortunately I have not ruled any heart lately. It has been disappointing, sickening and mentally draining. Its more frustrating than its sad because there's no limit to the effort being put in, no boundaries to the commitment being shown, its just that last hurdle which has become the tallest barrier. Confidence is at its lowest and it should be. Only something drastic can help now. But even drastic seems like a distant dream in the current scenario. Hopeless state of affairs, hopeless luck, hopeless me.  :(

Eternal Love

Love is a tricky word. You hear this word and various images come flashing right in front of you. The image of that broken heart, those sour eyes, that unending river of tears or the image of those blushing cheeks, that mystical smile, the heavenly voice or maybe the image of that hot girl dancing to the tunes of 'damn, she's a sexy bitch'. Tricky, as i just said.  But one thing is for certain : love, whatever it may do to you, is the most desired, the most cherished, the most wished entity (MBA :( ) in this world. A point to note here. I am talking of love and not making love. Dirty minds, eh???

I have always wondered if I would have been the same had I not met my love 4 years back. I don't think I would have. In these wonderful 4 years, she has been the constant in my life. Life took turns for good or bad, but every time something happened she was there alongside me to support me in times of despair, calm me in times of frustration, celebrate with me in times of success and of course laugh with me throughout. (No bragging, I have a pretty bad-ass sense of humor.)  She is the best thing to happen to me. But all good things come with a trade off. There are days when coz of her everything becomes dismal. I don't feel like going out, talking or doing anything productive. But I ignore these days, in fact I am forced to ignore them due to the fact that they are fully compensated by those amazing times I spend with her. 

I just hope and pray that she stays with me for eternity and beyond. My love, my life, my world, my everything, my Blender's Pride. <3 <3 <3 

Mind Fuck

The second hand lost its speed, the fan was in a super slow motion, the door creaked ever so slightly, the time had stopped flowing it seemed. Seldom, such days come in a life when everything feels so dismal, so grim, so repelling. The heart loses its beat, the eyes lose their sparkle, the lips lose their smile and the mind goes numb. Life turns into the glacier which moves constantly but looks immovable. 'Sit and stare at the empty wall' is all there is left to do. The melancholia eats up the entire room like a demon and the helpless, powerless you just watches in great awe. Hallucinations and delusions become your best friends as you watch reality die a cold death. You feel thirsty, you feel hungry, you feel like crying, you feel senseless, you feel tired, you feel sleepy, you feel nothing.  Red turns blue turns green turns violet turns brown turns red. The ceiling wants to gulp you up, the floor wants to suck you in and the walls move in, threatening to smash you to pieces. Darkness all around.

machow, koi nimboo paani pilao jaldi....

Sherlock Holmes and the case of uber reasoning

So I have recently unraveled the biggest mystery of all. Thanks to a certain Mr Sherlock Holmes for being the guiding light throughout. Before I disclose the findings of my investigation, a small note of appreciation for the best detective ever. Sherlock Holmes was always known to me through Sir Arthur Doyle's books which I read at a very young age. But honestly, I had forgotten all about him over time. Then Sherlock (TV series) happened. There is no way in this world that may prevent you, me or anybody from falling in love with the series, especially Mr Holmes. I marveled at the rate at which his brain works, so observant, so smooth, so annoying, yet so suave. Needless to say, I am the new die hard follower and fan of this amazing genius.

Coming back to my investigation now. I always believed that things happened around us for a reason, a reason which hides itself in the present but gradually reveals itself. But what I have concluded from my 2 month long work is that life is a big co-incidence. Our mind makes us believe that there is a certain relationship between events, our heart tells us its destiny. But actually none of this is true. Let me share with you some instances that will substantiate my opinion.

i) The case of eternal love:
Ever seen a couple embraced in each other's arms, totally in love, unfazed by their surroundings. We all have. Ask them and they will tell you that they are soul mates, that the way they came together was like a fairy tale, that they are made for each other for eternity. Bullshit!! Its a simple consequence of a girl saying YES. (The reason I dint write 'boy' in the previous sentence is that a girl seldom goes crazy about a guy and asks him out). Most of the times the hottie (that a guy is crazy about) will never say a YES, probably because, being a hottie, she got committed at a very tender age of 16. So the theory of love tells the guy to go a notch down. The next best girl. This process goes on until there is a YES. And because the guy made so many efforts to get that elusive YES, the girl becomes the soul mate, the ONE.

ii) The case of the God gifted child:
Just the mention of the three words, God gifted child, makes us utter the names of people around us we have related with the attribute. A boy consistently gets good marks in examination, god gifted brain. A girl amazes the world with her singing, god gifted voice. A player displays amazing football skills, god gifted feet. When the God is so gracious, why the hell do we have people like Tushar Kapoor, Kapil Sibbal, Sreesanth. The explanation is very simple. There are no gifts being distributed. Just a mere co incidence that a boy was born in a family which has intelligent parents and turned out to be a genius. The same goes for a brilliant artist or a mesmerizing sports person.

We need to learn to stop applying logic in every bit of our life, stop being an engineer for sometime, just let the events be. Our brain would thank us, our heart will smile and the body will relish the much needed time out.

Just remember the line, "No reasons can explain why the world is so envious (read: jealous) of Aashish Nag".

OLDIE!!!!!!!!

"So,what are your views about the Budget?", asked Manoj. I was shell shocked. He had just turned 25 (or 26 or 27, I have no idea) and had already lost it. I felt like replying, "thus machoo. kya banda." But I did not. The reason being very simple. I was in the very same situation a week back. A week back when I had my birthday, when I sat in the cozy, butt sucking couch of Yo China discussing my life with Manoj, discussing how MBA had been a bad decision, how marriage would be an even worse decision and how giving up everything and going back to the hills would be an awe-freaking-some idea.

I have to say things had changed. A year back, on the very same day, I had been planning on drinking the entire night and then doing something against the society (which I actually did - I had peed from my balcony). I had fun, I had a blast, I had lived my birthday.

This year it was totally different. I kept looking for ways to cheer myself up but couldn't find any. The birthday bumps did not hurt like they used to, the cake (which I myself bought for my surprise birthday party) had lost its chocolaty self and yes, I was getting birthday gifts. The last part was the most excruciating. Everybody (read: man, boy or simply masculine homo sapien) knows that getting a gift on your birthday only means 2 things:
1) You are a kid who may cry if you don't get a birthday present.
2) You are growing old and you need birthday presents to feel that you are still a part of the society.

The latter held true in my case. As people love to say, I was an OLDIE now. There are no words in the English literature that could describe the anger, the rage, the sadness, the humiliation I was going through. I just wanted to stop aging. Stay 23 for my entire life. I had hoped the same when I had turned 20: I wanted to be a teen my entire life. Our wants never turn into demand for that marketeer up there (please do not "place" anybody in the just mentioned company). What they say is true, there is a huge difference between the real life and the reel life. No Benjamin Buttons in this world of ours.

Happy Birthday Aashish Nag. You just lost 1 more precious year of your life. :(

Dreamers

"Help me Aashish, help me". The beautiful ear soothing voice echoed in the corridor. I had been following the voice for quite some time now but had not figured out who the girl was or where she was. I just knew she needed my help desperately. I looked in every room, every nook and corner of the corridor but all in despair. I was going to give up when I finally saw her. There she was, hanging from the roof of the building, barely. Her beautiful moist hands slipping ever so slowly, her gorgeous dark eyes shedding those diamond like tears, her voice breaking over the pain but still calling out just one name - Aashish. Not for long, I thought. Her 'Hero' was here to save her. I jumped the two floors like a pro circus performer. I grabbed her hand just as she let go (it was that close). The worst was behind us now. With the gladiator like strength I pulled her up, her eyes filling with gratitude with every small pull. She was saved and as she rested in my arms, I knew she was the one. "What's your name?", I asked. Her rosylicious(if its a word) lips parted and I heard the word.

"If sleeping is what you wish to do in the class, there is no need for you to come. Please leave." I was thrown out of the Macro economics class once again. I don't remember when I slept off and started day dreaming. But whatever, it was worth it. Though I must say, the name of the girl would have made it even better. I tried to remember her face. She resembled someone from my real life: a bit like the hot senior from NITH, a bit like my "TV n Radar" teacher, a major bit like the girl I was dating in school.

There was a smile on my face. These dreams always had this impact on me, so I never complained. I just wondered how many others out there do the same. I asked Adams about his views on this serious issue and I got the reply that I had expected. "Thus machoo. Kya banda hai?". So boring,so not imaginative. It was obvious that no one would actually confess that they day dream. They might be stating the facts but we will never know. What we know is that there is no harm in day dreaming. In this monotonous life of ours, we never get what we want. We may get close but we are never there. We keep struggling to reach out and grab those success milestones, always unaware that its an infinite path. A never ending vicious circle. Soon, desperation creeps in, frustrating us, eating up our insides hollow. The weak give up, the strong keep fighting and the wise DREAM ON.

"Aashish, Help me".

Anna Kranti

From the very early days of my life, I have watched the videos of revolutions in different parts of the world and wondered. Wondered what makes these people come to streets, what motivates them to fight for a cause, what inspires them to sacrifice everything for their country. Well, I found my answers today.

At 10 am today when my friend (Anshul Gautam) asked me if I wanted to go to the rally, I said yes. To be very frank, I wasnt sure if I would go. I had a tedious job of shifting the room at hand. But finally I decided that this is my chance of doing something for my country which I always dreamt of. We reached New Delhi Metro Station at around 2 30 pm. The scene inside the station was unbelievable. Chants like 'Vande Mataram', 'Inquilab Zindabad' , 'Anna Zindabad' echoed everywhere. People had tricolors on their faces, around their necks and their heads proudly showed off the "MAIN ANNA HOON" caps. Scenes at the Ram Leela Maidan were even more astonishing. 50 60 thousand people sitting , chanting , listening to the various leaders whilst watching ANNA sit in the background. Volunteers from children to elderly giving bananas and water to all those gathered. No one was paying them, they just wanted to.

India Gate was even more drowned in Tri-Color. I cant even tell a number as to how many people were there, lacs maybe. The Maha Rally started when Kiran Bedi arrived. The entire rally was a humbling experience for me. The power of people was on display on the streets of Delhi. Chants like "Sonia jiski mummy hai, wo sarkar nikammi hai" and "gali ka kutta kaisa ho, Kapil Sibbal jaisa ho" gave vent to the feelings of the common man. Be it kids, senior citizens, women, physically handicapped, everybody was rallying. Of course, the media men were present and as Indians we tend to dance even better when a camera is on us. As we had to come back to Ghaziabad we did not enter the Ram Leela Ground, rather came back straight away.

I have no idea what lies in the future. Whether the bill will get passed or not, whether the govt accepts all demands or not. All I know is that during the entire day, I had to drink water and eat a banana in regular intervals to beat the heat, when a man, a warrior, an Indian was sitting in the ground without food, with a smile on his face. The respect automatically seeps in. As the chants would say, "Anna tum sangharsh karo, hum tumhare sath hain".

MAIN ANNA HOON.